I tried so hard to tell you not to love me, but you went and told me anyway...
That you remembered. That we'd been in love, since that first time we talked, hopeless romantics. They're good with spells. They write it well. Like secret kings, invisible queens, a breath of life...We told each other we were glad we lived far away and we meant it. And on the balcony that day, I couldn't find it in me to scoot an inch closer to you...We were almost in love forever.
I told you to toss me the joint and you did. You told me you felt like a little kid, like a teenager in love. I didn't know how old you were but we were both old enough to believe you.
You told me I was the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen. I hesitated then still believed you. You asked me if I was going to cry. I said, No. Why?
And I told you, you were my favorite person I had ever met.
You asked me if I was a romantic person. I tried to lie and tell you no. You said, "well I am.' Then I confessed, "I know.'
I tell you every time. I fall harder. I push away. I don't want to know you at all. You're too fucking perfect! You're not even tall. You're not even cruel, or tattered, or dumb. With your tattoos and stories for each one. And how you loved your children, and ex lovers, and love and life. And how you did not ask permission and permitted no wife. You were my fucking hero. You were my fucking hero!
I told you that first day in your black truck. It was winded out but we weren't stuck. We were getting high like black blood rebels. Like the cool cowboys we were. I said " Do me a favor. Don't touch me, so we can always be in love."
...No. I hadn't felt a thing a thing in years. You had me out borrowing and begging for tears. I think I sniffed up all the drugs as the fools and strippers gave me hugs....
And when we walked, we agreed, it wouldn't last forever, and that just made it better. But it had nothing to do with brevity. But You. Intuitive. Urgency.
We were two hopeless romantics regarded highly, well traveled, impossible to obtain. We were madly in love. My fucking hero. I told you not to touch me. I needed to know you so badly. I asked you honestly, "When are you leaving me?"
Hopeless Romantic. You figured out how to be in love forever.
Goddammit I'm going to miss you.
I'll love you forever.
